The Hardest Part
by Dr. Jekyl
Summary: In the calm before The End, the five Titans deal with the stress of waiting for Trigon's return in different ways.


The usual disclaimers apply. This was written a couple of years ago, but never really published anywhere before now.

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**The Hardest Part**  
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They all had different ways of coping.

Starfire made another batch of her Pudding of Sadness and ate two whole bowlfuls. She said that only by experiencing the awful feeling to its fullest extent could she truly overcome it.

Robin spent long hours patrolling the Jump City streets solo on the R-Cycle. He said the feel of the wind and the sound of the engine helped him think.

Cyborg decided that the T-sub needed another upgrade and put it into drydock for a total overhaul. He said that busy hands made for a mind too busy to worry.

Beast Boy sat in front of the television screen with a never-ending bowl of popcorn. He said it stopped him from thinking, and if you pass the fridge, could you get him a soda?

And Raven locked herself in her room, not venturing out, not even for meals. She didn't say anything at all.

This was of some concern for the other four, though it was not entirely unexpected. Raven had been unravelling in slow motion even before the appearance of their unwelcome houseguest, one week ago.

Time was growing short.

They redoubled their efforts on the safe room, each preoccupied with their own thoughts and memories and fears.

Starfire thought about calling Galfore, for his advice had always been wise, but couldn't quite bring herself to do it. The regent had enough to worry about without concerning himself over her pain and anxiety as well.

Robin thought about calling Bruce, just to check in and maybe get some leads or new ideas, but couldn't quite bring himself to do it. It would be too much like an admission of defeat.

Cyborg thought about calling his parents, or even going to visit them, but couldn't quite bring himself to do it. He had said so many terrible things, and the only thing harder than apologising was having that apology rejected.

Beast Boy actually called the Doom Patrol to see if they had any advice, but only got their voicemail. He couldn't quite bring himself to leave a message. His communicator ran out of batteries mid-call anyway.

And Raven meditated and read and divined and tried to ignore the passing of time and suppress her deepening terror. She thought briefly about returning to Azarath to recover what, if anything, remained of the great library, but she didn't think she could bear to see any more ghosts. They had no comfort to offer nor advice worth hearing.

When the safe room was complete, all they could do was wait and plot and patrol and leave slices of pizza to grow cold and greasy outside of Raven's door. Last night it was Hawaiian, with extra pineapple. Tonight it was Marinara with jalapenos, mushrooms and fresh basil.

The other four ate in silence in front of the television. The local news. The world news. The news on the 24 hour news channel. The news on the other 24 hour news channel. The 10pm report. The late report. The late, late report. But there was no news to be had. Jump City's criminal underworld was lying low, sensing with the return of Slade that something big and new and deadly was coming. Slade himself refused to show his face. And the rest of the world refused to care, or even know about the coming trouble. The latest celebrity marriage or sporting victory or crazy lawsuit was far more important.

Robin eventually turned off the TV in disgust, and they sat in the dim light, each to their own thoughts. The silence carried with it the weight of all that had gone before and between them, and that of the struggle to come.

Across the bay, Jump City slumbered.

Time passed, unmarked.

"Robin?" Starfire asked quietly.

"Star?"

"Is it -" she hesitated, uncertain. She would not turn to face him, staring instead at her hands, clasped tightly in her lap. "Is it wrong that I miss the Mother Mae-Eye? She was an evil, foul-smelling monster who turned our home into bread of ginger and tried to eat us, but a part of me is still... sad that she's gone."

There was a long moment before Beast Boy replied.

"Star, I... I think I kinda miss her too," he admitted guiltily. "Not the eating us part, but the, you know..."

"Having a mom around," Cyborg completed the thought. "I hadn't realised how much I missed it."

"It was nice," Robin said eventually. "Being a little kid again. Not having to worry about anything because Mother would take care of it for us."

"No dishes and laundry."

"No maintenance lists and computer problems."

"No criminals and all-night stakeouts."

"No worrying about money."

"Or food."

"Or whose turn it is to clean the bathroom."

"No Trigon."

Silence fell again, just as long and deep and heavy.

"I remember my parents," Beast Boy said abruptly looking at his feet. "They were really smart. Biologists. They used to take me with them on research trips to the jungle and stuff. They gave me my powers by accident to save my life after I got bitten by some freaky monkey. They, uh, they died when I was really little, so I don't really remember a whole lot about them, but my mom had the best laugh. And my dad made killer pancakes."

"My folks are still alive," Cyborg admitted, "but I haven't spoken to them since before I came here. I was so..." he clenched his fist, trying to recall the emotion "_angry_ at what they did to me. They saved my life, but I didn't want to be saved, not if it meant I had to look like this." He looked down at his chest plate, his legs, his arms, and sighed. "I said some things I shouldn't have, and when I stopped answering they stopped calling."

"Myand'r and Luand'r were great warriors, and wise and resourceful leaders," Starfire said quietly. "They were all I could have wished for as parents, though they were often away. The needs of the people must came before the needs of our family, my father would tell me. When the Gordanians invaded, they sacrificed my freedom so that all of Tamaran would be free. But the Gordanians betrayed the treaty and attacked our planet again. My parents were killed leading the counter-attack that defeated the invaders." Starfire raised her head, expression at once sad and fiercely proud. Her hands glowed with unreleased energy. "I escaped from the Gordanians that same day."

"My parents were famous acrobats," Robin said slowly. "They toured around the world performing, and, when I was old enough, I joined the act. We were a team as well as a family. We trusted each other with our lives." He paused, and his tone changed, flat and emotionless, as if he were reciting events that had happened to someone else. "We were in Gotham for the first time and didn't know the 'rules'. The circus refused to pay one of the local crime-lords protection money. They decided to make an example of one of the acts. My parents' gear was sabotaged. They fell to their deaths in the middle of the show. Batman took me in and helped me bring the murders to justice."

There was a whisper of movement and sound and Raven, hood down, emerged from the shadows behind the couch. They turned to look at her.

"You all know who and what my father is. I am... linked to him in a way I can't really explain, but if I'm not careful, he can control me," she said and moved sit tentatively on the edge of the couch. Once there, she stared blindly out the window towards the city rather than look at any of them. "A lot of what I do, the meditation and everything, is to keep my powers under control by keeping him out of my head. But my my mother... I... I don't really know her very well. I don't even know her real name. I was taken from her straight after I was born. I was... too dangerous for anyone but Azar, the high priestess, to handle. I had to be isolated, taught to control my powers. When I was twelve, Azar died and I was sent to live with my mother. She has- _had_ very conflicting feelings about me. She'd always wanted children, but I was the only one she'd ever be able to have. And I was a living reminder of what had happened to her, and the mistakes she'd made. It was... difficult. But I think I miss her anyway. Or maybe I miss what we might have had if things were different. Or both. I don't know."

There was a chorus of sighs and silence fell once more.

"Sooo.... uh," Beast Boy said, coughing to clear his throat. "Do you think we should go and rescue the Hive Five? I know they're jerks and all, but I don'tactually want them to get eaten."

"Well, it has been a full week and no word," Robin conceded.

"They should be plump and juicy and delicious-tasting by now." Starfire added. When faced with the somewhat bemused stares of her teammates, she hastily amended: "to the Mother Mae-Eye monster. She will certainly begin the process of baking them into a giant pie soon."

"I thought we all agreed that we were never going to mention that word again," Raven said darkly, looking away from the window for the first time.

"What, 'pie'?" Cyborg objected. "I never agreed to that. Just because one pie was evil doesn't mean that pie is still not the second most delicious and important food group after waffles. There's still blueberry pie, and strawberry pie, and cherry pie - that's my favourite - and mince pies -"

"Hey, mince pies _are_ evil. Have you even _seen_ what goes into them?"

"- oh, and pumpkin pie, and pecan pie and rhubarb pie -"

"Mustard pies?"

"- you can have mustard on the mince pies, Star, but not in the pie, not as a main ingredient anyway, and how could I forget delicious, delicious lemon meringue pies, and then there's key lime and custard and -"

"Tofu!"

"- you can't disrespect the noble pie by filling it with fake food! There is no such thing as a tofu pie!"

"There is so! I know a cafe that does a great tofu-and-bean-curd pie."

"Tofu-and.. Tofu-and-bean-curd?! You can_not_ make a delicious pie crust and then fill it with bean curd! It's... it's..."

"Delicious," Beast Boy grinned evilly. "They do a wheat grass and potato one too."

"Sacrilege! How could anyone- "

Raven caught Robin's eye and then rolled her own as the bickering escalated and Starfire flew towards the kitchen in search of mustard. He grinned and winked back at her.

"You know, maybe the end of the world won't be such a bad thing after all."

"Don't tempt me."


End file.
